Baby Gifts We've Requested But Haven't Received Yet

Brooks and I can't thank all of our family and friends enough for their generosity so far. Between the dinners, gifts, visits, cards, phone calls and emails, we've been treated to a very humbling show of support. I know I keep reiterating this in my posts, but we really are reminded everyday how special it is to be back in North Carolina.

That being said, Brooks and I are a little disappointed in the creativity and functionality of the gifts we have received thus far. Yes, onesies, bibs and monogrammed blankets are cute and comfortable to Mason and Ike, and they look great in photos, but do they really make OUR lives easier. Nope, not at all. So, I'm directing this post to everyone reading this blog who has yet to give us a gift. If you're thinking Babies 'R Us, Pottery Barn For Kids or Target, please do us a favor and get rid of your traditional and stale thinking. The following items are what we really covet:

Baby Mop: Babies need to learn at an early age the value of helping out around the house. If Mason and Ike each had a Baby Mop outfit I doubt we'd ever need a maid.

Pee-Pee Teepee: Brooks got sprayed in the head with Ike's "pee-pee" the second time she changed his diaper, so this would definitely come in handy. What's funny is that they offer this product in camouflage, just in case you're ever in the deer stand hunting with your newborn son and have to change his diaper but don't want to scare away that 12-point buck.

Baby Keeper: I can't decide if this product is brilliant or teetering on the edge of cruel and unusual punishment. It seems more suitable for "time-out" situations than a convenient way to store your baby while while you go to the bathroom.

Buck Tooth Pacifier: I can't help but think that the strange looks that this gag would elicit from passer-byers would be more frequently directed at the parents who subjected their babies to this type of public humiliation.

Zaky Infant Pillow: I have to admit that this looks like a pretty cool (and creepy) product...when used in the absence of friends and family. Considering how Ike goes from a deep sleep to uncontrollable crying whenever Brooks or I try to place him in his crib at night, this seems like the perfect solution. I wonder if they also offer giant sized hands for adolescent kids whose parents are slow to ween them off of this type of coddling.

Baby Wigs: Really, do any of these babies look happy? Seems like another potential case of cruel and unusual punishment. I wonder if these babies' perception of their parents will change 15 years from now when they are flipping through family photo albums and realize what they were subjected to.

The Daddle: After further thought, we don't need this gift - we have Simba. Plus, I don't think I could pull this look off as well as the guy does in this photo.

Man Boobs: I love how the guy in this photo isn't phased by the formality of the sitiation - he's in a suit and tie! I think I'll leave the breast feeding to Brooks and stick with Dr. Brown's bottles.